Counting Tears
by CardioQueen
Summary: Cristina is trying to get over Burke.


Tears

_Today, I allowed 10 tears for him._

I cried 6 when I saw him in the hallway, going into the call room.

I cried 2 whenever I saw him in the gallery talking to another woman.

I cried 1 whenever I caught the scent of his cologne as he breezed past me in the hallway as if I did not exist.

I cried 4 whenever I had to lay down in the call room to go to sleep.

I'll do better tomorrow.

_Today, I allowed 9 tears for him, perhaps I'll make it through._

I cried 2 when Meredith asked me about how we were doing.

I cried 4 when I couldn't find my favorite undershirt and realized that it's still at our...no, his apartment.

I cried 2 when Bailey assigned me to his surgery.

I cried 1 because I cursed his existence after the surgery.

At least I didn't go over.

_Today, I allowed 8 tears for him, I know I can manage that._

I cried 4 when we literally ran into each other in the hall and he didn't even help me to my feet.

I cried 2 when Bailey assigned me to his surgery service for the second day in a row.

I cried 1 when he snapped at me in surgery.

And then I got angry, and I couldn't cry for him anymore. This is getting easier.

_Today, I allowed 6 tears for him, I'm stepping up my game._

I cried 2 when I heard somebody mention something about him and some girl in the call room.

Then I cried 3 more when I heard Meredith and Izzie talking about it behind my back.

Then I cried 10 when I found out that it was just a rumor.

I don't know why I cried so much. I've never cried when I was relieved before.

_Today, I allowed 5 tears for him, I'm trying to take it slow._

I cried 1 when he cornered me in the stairwell, trying to get me to talk.

I cried 4 when I walked away.

_Today, I allowed 4 tears for him. The days are going by._

I cried 2 when I found a key taped to my locker.

I cried 1 when I found a key taped to one of my charts, even though it was the patient's key.

I cried 5 when I realized that the key was from Meredith.

I need to get it together. Getting over him shouldn't be this hard.

_Today, I allowed 3 tears for him, I should be getting strong._

I cried 1 when he tried to stop me in the hallway again, and I looked him in the eye.

I cried 1 when I saw that he was crying too.

I cried 1 when I had to say goodbye.

Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me, he couldn't be upset too.

_Today, I allowed two tears for him, I'm running out of time._

I cried 1 when Bailey told me to fix it or get over it, can't she see I'm trying?

I cried 1 when in the call room when I was 'asleep' and in the dark he whispered how much he missed me.

Can't he see I'm almost over him? Why does he say things like that?

_Today, I allowed 1 tear for him, I've almost made it through._

I cried 1 when he absently brushed a strand of hair from my face during a conversation about a patient's death.

I cried 1 more when he not-so-absently pressed his lips to mine during that same conversation.

I don't want to start all over again.

_Today, I didn't allow any tears for him. I should be over him now._

I made it through the morning, and I didn't cry.

I made it through lunch, and I didn't cry.

I made it through his surgery, and I didn't cry.

I made it back to the call room at the end of the day, feeling stronger and better than ever, and slipped into the bunk to fall asleep.

I cried 1 tears when I found him there, waiting for me in the dark.

I cried 2 tears when he pulled me close.

I cried 3 tears when he wrapped his arm around my waist.

I cried 4 when he apologized for everything.

I cried 5 when he kissed my shoulder.

I cried 6 when he rolled me over to brush his lips over mine.

I cried 7 when my body began to ache for him.

I cried 8 when we made love.

I cried 9 when he whispered 'I love you.'

I cried 10 when I whispered it back.

Fin

A/N: Still doing some anticipatory grieving.. wink . Anyway, I love the feedback, and I don't like too many flames, but I guess constructive criticism always helps.

As for the Cristina crying, too many might not see it happening and as totally out of character, and I thought about that before I wrote it. I came to the conclusion that if she was going to cry, this is how she'd do it. I hope you like the perspective. Thanks for all the positive feedback thus far, and I'll keep them coming.


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